Laundry

A few weeks ago, I was home all by myself and was really on a roll with getting chores checked off my list. It was a gorgeous, breezy day outside and obviously I was hitting the sauce as I decided to hang my laundry outside to dry in the sunshine. I should note that I do not have a line from which to hang said laundry but I did have hangers and old rusty plant hooks so, who needs an actual clothesline?

This was around the time I was feeling smug about growing my own herbs so it was only fitting that I also get congratulatory with myself about "using nature as my dryer" and "being green by not using my God-given Maytag."  I went outside with an armload of wet shirts and a dozen or so hangers.  Once I was outside I needed a clean, flat surface to dump this giant load of freshly washed shirts on so I could start hanging them on hangers.  I quickly realized that I was out in nature, where there are no clean, flat surfaces to speak of.  So I gathered everything up and moved back in to the dining room.  I hung all the wet shirts up on hangers and took them back outside to be dried in the glorious sunshine.

Since I am never outside and we have never made proper use of the plant hooks (by hanging actual plants) I didn't realize there were only like four hooks.  Well I had 12 or 13 shirts so... I didn't let this get me down though, after all I was growing my own herbs for godssake.  I could hang some shirts in the goddamn sunshine.  So, after I ran out of hooks I used the rain gutter.  After I finished I admired my work and went inside to research "how to install a clothesline" on the Internet.

A few hours later I went to gather my freshly dried laundry and noticed that a few things were missing.  I looked around and didn't see the shirts anywhere on the deck.  Perplexed I kept looking (specifically for Yay Cleavage Raygun tshirt) which of course, was on the fucking roof.  The delicate breeze (or angry winds) had blown several of my shirts onto the fucking roof and while they were still attached to the hangers, the hangers had now WEDGED themselves into the rain gutter.  Naturally I cannot reach this and am now certain that my shirts are covered in nature and roofing tar.

I went to the garage to get the step stool to get up on the roof to retrieve my ironic shirts.  While the shirt was thankfully tar free, it was stiff as a board.  Good job sunshine, you motherfucker.  I realized my expectations of line (hanger) drying my clothes was from a 1986 Snuggle commercial.  And that the commercial was a for a dryer sheet that you put IN A DRYER THAT PLUGS INTO YOUR HOUSE.

I gathered all of my shirts from the rusty plant hooks and the roof and went in, determined not to tell Brad of my ridiculous laundry escapades.  Fast forward to about 5pm that evening.  Brad gets home from work and is changing into his play clothes the bedroom.  I hear him say, "what is all over the backyard?" as he looks out the window.  I didn't think"oh it's probably my Banana Republic Shirt Dress" but of course, it was.  He goes out to the yard to collect my once smug laundry while Mother Nature has the last laugh.  Again.